


Leave Yourself Behind

by targaryen_melodrama



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Epistolary, Implied Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-14 13:49:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16914033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/targaryen_melodrama/pseuds/targaryen_melodrama
Summary: It feels wrong to tell you this way, to say goodbye this this way. But if it all works out, I’m not sure I’ll get the chance to give this to you in person.





	Leave Yourself Behind

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta'ed, feel free to point out typos etc.

_Sam,_

_It feels wrong to tell you this way, to say goodbye this this way. But if it all works out, I’m not sure I’ll get the chance to give this to you in person. And even if I do get to hand this to you in person, I’m not sure I’ll be able to say everything I need to say. ~~Funny how the end of the world doesn’t make me better at talking about my feelings~~ ~~.~~_

_The first thing you need to know is that if there’d been any other way to do things, if there was a world, a universe, any possibility where I didn’t have to leave you, you have to know it’s what I would’ve done. I need you to know, Sam. I need you to remember. For the days you’re angry at me, the days when you don’t understandーplease know that if there had been any other way, I would be by your side right now._

_But there isn’t. There isn’t a way for the world to be safe, there’s no way for you to be safe without me dying in the process. I’m sorry. I really am._

_The second thing you need to know is that I love you. It might not seem like it right now, but I do. With everything that I am, Sam, I swear I love you. As hard as it is to leave you behind, it’s much easier knowing that you get to live and go back to the people you love and the people who love you, too._

_Ironic as it is, I’m not sure I really believe in fate. Too many things gone wrong, too many people lost for me to really believe that someone’s out there, looking out for us. But running into you at the Mall? That’s as close as it gets, I think._

_You know how shitty everything was before. I saw, I listened, I absorbed, but none of it really stuck, you know? None of it really mattered. Till you. And I can see you rolling your eyes, I can hear you saying that I shouldn’t be putting you on such a pedestal, but it’s true. Within a few weeks, you made me feel more welcome than I ever had, when I might as well have been from another planet. Do you know how many people can do that, sweetheart? Very, very few._

_You were one of the few people who cared about me for me, not for anything else. You were my first real friend when I came back. You were the first man I fell in love with. If I could go back and tell 1932 Steve Rogers about the 21st century and the fella he got himself in 2014, I think he’d believe that I made it to the next century a thousand times before he believed I ended up married to a man like you. _

_When it happens, I’ll be thinking of you. I’ll think about your smile when I came back home after a mission, and the way you rolled your eyes at my ~~fantastic~~ jokes. I’ll think about us dancing to that ‘Slow Jams’ playlist you keep pretending you didn’t put together with me in mind. I’ll think of our first time together, and our first time together as husbands, and our last time. I’ll remember the look in your eyes when we touched and the sounds you made when we kissed and all the ways your hands and your mouth made me feel things I had never felt. _

_When it happens, however it happens, I’ll be thinking of you. Aren’t I always?_

_The last thing I want to tell you is to take care of yourself, Sam. You are a kind, dedicated, amazing, beautiful man who’s gone through so much already. I’m sorry that I won’t be there to help with the pain._

_Tell Daisy that she’s the best girl in the world, that I love her, and that I’m sorry I couldn’t come back home._

_Live the beautiful, full, rich life you were always meant to live. Go see the next Star Wars movie. Go backpack through New Zealand. Go to the Caribbean and swim with the dolphins. I can’t wait to hear all about it when I see you again._

_I love you._

_Yours forever and always,_

  
                                                                                                                                                                                                            _Steve_

**Author's Note:**

> I started thinking about how my friend and I would handle seeing Steve die and Chris Evans gave us a single tear in the Endgame trailer and well this happened ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Title from My Love, by Sia.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this, feel free as always to leave a comment!
> 
> I am on [Tumblr](http://targaryenmelodrama.tumblr.com) if you wanna drop by!


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